Movie review: Private Tropical 23 "Hotel Affairs" (2006) (Jamie Crocks, Justine Langley, Diana Bold, Monica Onion)

 

Scrolling is a common practice among today's couples, but in 2006, filmmaker Max Bellocchio captured it in a film steeped in hopelessness and marital corruption. In digital psychology, scrolling refers to the tendency to pay more attention to Instagram stories or TikTok videos than to one's own partner, for example when one is lying in bed about to go to sleep. A true visionary, from the first minute of the film, he conveys that in the relationship between Mr. Cobert and Donna, each partner is seeking their own destiny.

Hotel Affairs

TRAILER Hotel Affairs

We landed on the island of Martinique, specifically at the Habitation Lagrange hotel, although on this occasion it boasts a well-earned nickname: Hotel Affairs. This name is perfect because in the film, it's the perfect accommodation for those who identify with the symbol of an upside-down pineapple: adventurous swingers. We're looking at a cozy hotel, or cozy without the initial "a."

Photo of the oblong main house on Getty Images. More pictures here.

Aerial view of the hotel nowadays

Did they mention the Armée de l´Air in the preface? Perhaps they wanted to recruit people for the future war in Libya... Make love, not war.

We begin the feature film with a gentle flyover of the island, christened the Grenadines although they are actually Martinique. Without further ado or lingering in the surroundings, we enter the bedroom of a happy couple who have come to spend a week in this tropical paradise. For Donna, this is her first time traveling to the Caribbean, and she is ecstatic about it. They will be staying in a beautiful hotel, which, while not new, retains all the charm of yesteryear, being a heritage resort, albeit bordering on the Caribbean. As an aside, I'd like to mention that while bars and restaurants with experience and history are preferred, hotels don't require that tradition and goodwill; in other words, guests prefer a brand-new hotel and bed.

Amazed by the hotel her husband took her to

Trying to make sensual ardor cover up the couple's shortcomings

Photo of a similar room on Alamy stock, located in Habitation Lagrange.

With such a decor, the mattresses could be mattresses and wouldn't attract the attention of guests.

After dawn comes the time to explore...

Advance along the macadam scanning the horizon in search of some interesting bird

While the couple's complicity in the first scene was correct, the next day Donna stealthily slips out of bed without Mr. Cobert noticing and goes off to explore the hotel's immense gardens and the surrounding jungle. Donna soon discovers a couple making love in a wooded clearing, and although she remains mesmerized by the humanoid still life without altering the natural course of events, she connects with another voyeur who was nearby and they give free rein to their most primal instincts. No one is free from sin, and at the Savoy Ball, Aga Pasha, the father of the Turk Mustafa Bey, already says that to find out if your partner is faithful or not, you should toss a coin. If it lands on one side, they are unfaithful, and if it lands on the other, they have a lover; only if it remains floating in the air is it faithful to you.

She comes back disheveled... "Maybe I should have put a cap on her," Mr. Cobert thinks to himself.

Mr. Cobert sees her arrive with a troubled face, a face he knows well, and with her hair in disarray, so he's already aware of what's happened... There are things no one knows better than your partner. The perfect husband invites her to sit down for a continental breakfast, but he rejects those ambrosias as if he'd already visited a salumeria earlier in the morning (why is that?). She claims she's simply taken an innocent stroll through the hotel garden and suggests they go to the beach for a dip.

Trying to ignite the passions of those first weeks...

The next scene, by the seaside, produces a profound sadness that evokes memories of those unrequited loves in the viewer. Mr. Cobert gives his all, tries to respond to his wife's slights with a smile, tries to see the bright side of everything and show her affection, but she, on the other hand, remains hundreds of miles away, emotionally distant and eager to escape.

They lack a shared goal, and it's something that's visible to others.

The smile of a faded memory

There is a clear separation between the two members of the couple that is reflected in this frame.

Mr. Cobert decides not to bathe at first, which further accentuates their divergent views and philosophies on life. By the time he tries to find a solution, she's the one who pulls away, in an endless tug-of-war more akin to a breakaway on a special Tour de France mountain pass than a lovers' duet.

Cobert gets closer

She walks away

Donna suggests exploring the island, knowing that the apathetic Mr. Cobert will decline, rather like when you suggest a macrame art exhibition to your boyfriend. After a few minutes wandering along the Caribbean coast, she finds a couple making love on a nearby islet, and this time she decides to join in. This film is turning into a sort of festive, playful episode in the purest "Passion of the Genitals" style.

A la carte restaurant

He leans toward Donna, but she remains rigid.

Donna's two escapades, of which Mr. Cobert has such strong indications that they could be considered almost certain, hurt him to the heart, and when he finished dinner, seeing his wife's cold attitude, he decided to avoid a monotony that would spoil the dinner for the rest of the diners and decided to go to the smoking room to think in solitude.

Photo of the restaurant's dining room on Shutterstock

The plot unfolds

Two young men notice the couple's noticeable sense of weariness and seek out Mr. Cobert amidst the cigar smoke. They are motivated by interest, but we still don't know what this deceitful pair are hiding.

Smoking lounge, like on the Titanic

Mr. Oscar LeFleur smokes with style but wears a flea market shirt.

Oscar LeFleur and Mario are two men who have already learned Mr. Cobert's name at the front desk and propose a fishing trip, but on a day when the fish has already been bought (a word to the wise...). In short, they've initiated a co-optation process because they need a third man to meet the expectations of the sailor on duty...

Sometimes the smartest thing is to play dumb.

Mario, the boatswain in this murky story of wayward cabin boys

Cobert, to no one's surprise, decides to throw the butter on the roof and let God's will be done. He signs up for that fishing trip because, as I mentioned above, his wife has been behaving very strangely, almost suspiciously, since they landed in paradise. Now, there's also a very good saying to keep in mind: "He who fears something, owes something."

Sleeping is the most effective way to create a vacuum, and Donna's walks leave her feeling completely neurasthenic.

This recorder has more information than Nixon's...

Upon arriving at the suite, Donna is asleep, exhausted from her long adventures, and then Mr. Cobert surprises us with a tape recorder typical of double agents, which has recorded the entire conversation with Mario and Oscar that took place in the cigar club. There are some truly compromising lines, but we still can't imagine the profit Mr. Cobert will make from this conversational rigmarole. As Julián Lago said, "He buys silences in exchange for secrets."

Two buns waiting in the window of the neighborhood bakery

Today I am single but without my boyfriend knowing.

While Cobert enjoys the beautiful species of the high seas, Donna meets a young woman with loose morals, Dania, while sunbathing by the hotel pool. Donna had seen Dania the day before enjoying the company of a mulatto man in the jungle. Under this pretext, we arrive at the most racist comment of the entire saga: "I saw you with that mulatto man in the woods, but it's not a problem because I like black men." If we interpret the phrase, it seems that Donna self-describes her taste in black men as unusual, and that is precisely what makes Dania's tastes more justifiable. It is truly a harsh and inappropriate commentary on this succession of films where good vibes reign supreme.

There is no better negotiation than the one carried out with a Tequila Sunrise in hand.

The conversation ends with Donna requesting that Dunia introduce him as soon as possible, given that the black man is very fond of blondes.

Furthermore, Donna requests complete discretion, especially with her husband, and Dunia replies that "they're friends" before introducing herself, given that up until that point they hadn't known each other's names. It's all very funny and hilarious.

Regaining energy after a day of trawling...

Bandit and voyeur

After the boat trip, the three pirates take stock of the damage, and that's when Mr. Cobert learns that Oscar and Mario's wives are loaded. Mario's wife, for example, owns a hotel chain with hundreds of properties throughout Europe: Amsterdam, Prague, Paris, Rome, London, Barcelona... Oscar's wife, on the other hand, is of noble stock, coming from an aristocratic family in Lyon. And that's when Mr. Cobert sees an opportunity.

Mr. Cobert, who by the way has a resemblance to Salvador Dalí, applies a daily routine that not even Patrick Bateman can match; he even uses curlers.

Watergate's recorder is waterproof

Mr. Cobert has recorded all the information on Mario and Oscar's wives and is now going to try to contact them to carry out his master plan. Traveling friends who have given him everything, even a day of fishing on a yacht; and whom he will inflict without a second's hesitation, whom he will betray with a torpedo to the waterline without any remorse.

Amigas para siempre, means you'll always be my friend

Donna asks Dania about the mulatto giant, as her desire grows, and she responds with good news: she's scheduled a meeting on the riverbank for the very next day. Donna's dream is about to come true, but she's delving into the darkness inherent in polyamorous affairs. Oscar Wilde said that once is a tragedy, twice is a mistake; to which I add that three times is vice.

This fisherman's nets have caught a magnificent specimen of African mermaid

Photos with gossip that challenge an axiomatic reality

In the following scene, we're left with no context, and the viewer is perplexed by the appearance of this couple on the seashore, but we soon realize that the young man (Jorg Skopje) is a detective who took photos of the encounter on the second day, when Donna went exploring the island. The detective is accompanied by a young woman, suggesting that the production team decided to hire local celebrities.

Two of the big ones settle this little business

The young woman approaches as soon as she smells the money

After covering the graphic part, Mr. Cobert continues his experimentation with the recorder. Not even Villarejo dared to go that far... This time, Mr. Cobert declines the offer and goes shopping with his wife. It's not about being a fool, but about keeping up appearances before the final blow that will definitively change his life.

More meetings in dim light and with the microphone on

Everything is fine

But Cobert is destroyed inside

I go...

Mr. Cobert has weighed years of overtime work to spend a week in paradise or the fast track to making vacations take up most of the year and two-fork restaurants his daily bread. Discovering what his wife does when she escapes into the garden has turned his life upside down, as repressed desires (desires for wealth and opulence in this case) collide with jealousy in dysfunctional marriages.

A generous selection of photos to make a whole album of infidelities that Mr. Cobert contemplates without the slightest complaint.

Filmmaker Max Bellocchio wants the viewer to feel a little better now and empathize with Cobert, and that's why the moment arrives when the detective shows him photos of Donna with a black man on a picnic, by the side of a tropical river, eating a delicious mofongo. $2,000 to know what a woman is made of; it's an affordable price. A great moral from this film, which was nominated for the Foya Awards in Spain and won the Golden Butt at Cannes. Mr. Cobert then has a perfect opportunity to get even, which acts as a revulsion: from here on, everything will get better.

The detective offers him a little joy to ease his troubles.

A little water is never denied to anyone.

The plan is already underway

After letting off steam on the fine sand of Martinique, as night falls, Mr. Cobert calls a woman. The detective has politely given him the contact number of this mysterious young woman. We don't yet know who she is, but we'll soon find out, as the meeting between the two is scheduled for the next day at the Buddhist tent.

Buddhist shop logo

Recording...

Pictures...

... and sinker

Oscar LeFleur's wife has flown from Lyon with a stopover in Paris to listen to the incandescent recordings that will put an end to his hybristophilia. Furthermore, Mr. Cobert has discovered that his wife is a confirmed cheater and likes variety, so he can file for a favorable divorce before the judge, thus avoiding the annoying diabolical probatio. The next stage of this journey? Mr. Cobert and the French aristocrat of ancestral descent meet in Barcelona to get to know each other better and begin a new life together... To conclude, nothing better than paraphrasing "The Fresh Prince of Trap" with one of its verses, as it perfectly sums up Mr. Cobert's modus operandi: "greed is a pilot."

The Buddha looks at them impassively, like the statues contemplating the earthly problems of the Di Sangro family in the film Parthenope by the master Sorrentino.

THE END

RATING: 7/10

Info:

Private Tropical 23 "Hotel Affairs"

Year: 2006

Genre fo the plot: romantic

Paradise destination: Martinica

Actors: Max Descortés, Jorg Skopje, Jamie Crocks, Justine Langley, Diana Bold, Monica Onion, Kevin Thong

Where can I find it: Private or Google

Link to spanish