Movie review: Private Tropical 42 "Tropicana Flashbacks" (2009) (Boroka Calls, Tarra Wait, Keisha Bane, Kathia Inmobili)

 

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Retired athletes should be an example of resilience when the inevitable passage of time destroys their physique and talent. Although in golf it is possible to extend one's professional career up to 50 years of age or even more in some cases, one must have a plan designed for the end of middle age, for the years preceding retirement.

Fernando Almeida was born in the Botafogo neighborhood, in the southern part of Rio de Janeiro, on February 14, 1970. In the favelas of Santa Marta, he grew up with his family in a humble home and from adolescence he had to dedicate himself to agriculture, specifically, in coffee plantations as a faquín in exchange for a miserable stipend. By the designs of fate, he established a certain friendship with a landowner he worked for, Umberto Da Souza, and one Sunday, when Fernando was only 16 years old, he took him to the Itanhangá Golf Club in order to teach him how to play golf. Your favorite sport. Almeida's relationship with golf was love at first sight, and he soon began to perfect his technique, demonstrating enormous talent. In a matter of months, golf became the great passion that would accompany him for the rest of his life.

(¡Ah! By the way, get some stuff, groceries and olives for reading)

A decade later, in 1996, he amazed the entire world with a true exhibition on the World Tour: at the Blue Lagoon Golf Course in Cairns (Australia) (12 under par), at the Baden National Golf Course in Schwarzwald (Germany) ( 10 under par), at the Fujiyama Oriental Golf Course in Fuji (Japan) (13 under par) and at the Grand Canyon Golf Course in Arizona in (United States) (15 under par). Due to these achievements, Almeida was invited to the Edinburgh Old Links (Scotland), being the youngest golfer in history to do so.

Fernando Almeida with Pan-American Golf Championship Trophy in 1996. 

The problem with Fernando Almeida's career is that 1996 was a flash in the pan. He did not know how to manage fame and jumped from the top of the cliff into the sea of ​​liquor: certainly reprehensible behavior. Too much wasted talent... Almeida found a refuge from his daily problems in alcohol and his marriage did not overcome it. His wife left him at Christmas 2002, although there are some other rumors that suggest that just the opposite happened, because Fernando was very fed up with financing her "routines" while she rewarded him by prohibiting him from going out with his friends and even banning him from watching her. from the 2002 Korea and Japan World Cup...

From that moment on, after ending a stormy relationship on par with that of Franz Kafka and his Felice, he was a lone wolf who began to frequent the nights of Rio de Janeiro, where he became a kind of myth as Trump or Pocholo: a legend of early mornings and cocktails. A lively man who had already achieved everything in golf and who now dedicated himself to enjoying each night as if it were his last under the hackneyed premise that "you will never be as young as you are today."

Almeida became a strategist in pindín bars and other seedy dives, and made a fortune by earning a doctorate in the noble art of drinking for free all night without buying a single round. He liked birdseed so much that it was said jokingly that when he came out of the womb he drained the umbilical cord with a couple of sips. These excesses affected his golf practice, but he continued to maintain an acceptable level in tournaments because the power of his drive was still intact.

At the Brazilian Carnivals in 2003 he was invited to give a speech because of his marked philopatry and, after the cheers he received, he went up and created his own political party, the PGA (Partido General del Ahorro: economia e golfe), with the who was going to run for president of the country. In his program, in addition to promoting the containment of public spending as a way of preparing for the looming credit crisis and with a strong vision against kleptocratic systems, one of the most strange promises was that golf would once again be a sport. Olympic after almost 100 years of absence, as well as that Rio de Janeiro will be the Olympic venue before the year 2030.

The intention to vote for Almeida was increasing from the beginning; His reputation and charisma fueled his arrival in Brazilian politics. He was soon known as the people's champion; the hero of the streets. In television debates, distilling trileries, gambler tricks, and appealing to his spirit of sacrifice demonstrated both in the field of sports and in overcoming his problem with dipsomania, he always took the discussion to his field, and defeated the other members with sparks of humor despite his ad hominem refutations of his dark time immersed in alcoholism. An example of improvement and constant struggle.

Promotional poster for Almeida's presidential campaign in 2006 (Copyright of the original format: Jesús Nerkin)

On a personal level, he rebuilt his love life with his caddy Sarra Right, and with his simple way of life he obtained a succulent checking account that allowed him to live without burdens. Everything seemed to smile at him and nothing could stop him from moving to the Planalto Palace...

Until, in July 2006, the Rio Prosecutor's Office initiated proceedings against a corruption matter that directly implicated him. Far from being an indicative case, according to the literal wording of the complaint, there was reliable evidence that Almeida had financed part of his electoral campaign by importing Buicks and Chevrolets from Tampa (Florida) to later sell them with rigged odometers in the city of Recife. Although Fernando had taken the appropriate precautions by camouflaging himself behind a network of front companies, prosecutors found a documentary evidence in a misplaced receipt. Apparently, the delivery note had leaked through a crack in the floating floor of the used vehicle dealership's offices and had not gone through the paper shredder.

The Almeida dealership in Recife. (AI Image)¹

Almeida was playing a few holes at the Japeri Public Golf Course (Rio de Janeiro) when he heard the news. (Archive photos from the Portuguese sports newspaper "A trola")

The proximity of the elections, which were set for the beginning of autumn of that same year 2006, as well as the furious reaction of the Brazilian population, who had felt deceived by a textbook thug (it could not be known), put an end to his presidential dream. . His campaign team tried to slow down the process by building a cofferdam, using abstract concepts such as the quantum of evidence or calling the procedure iniquitous... It was about stopping the avalanche of journalists, for whom bad news is like cake. for hungry, but damage containment did not work and Almeida had to give up his application when the whole predicament was exhausted. For its part, the PGA dissolved weeks later without even appearing at the polls.

Almeida's car broke down permanently and the circumstances were not on his side in any way. With golf largely abandoned (that year he had only participated in the Augusta Masters, obtaining a discreet 3 over par) and facing a bleak judicial horizon, Fernando sank into a deep depression. Suicide was one of the options he considered most seriously. It is often said that someone with a heavy burden or problem has "an albatross around their neck", and that was Almeida's situation in the summer of 2006. Before he was getting albatrosses on the par 5 holes and now this colossal bird was pressing on his throat. ..

One hot August afternoon, while the sun filtered through the lace curtains, a troubled Almeida lay on the sofa soaked in low-quality whiskey and trying with serious difficulty to open a pack of barbiturates... He was going to put an end to his vital project and to face his ordeal at the gates of heaven, when his mobile phone unexpectedly vibrated.

On the other side of the speaker was his old Teutonic friend Robert "Jorg" Landolt; a call, ultimately, saving. Good old Robert, also a golfer like him, had suffered hip necrosis years ago that led to a premature retirement from the circuit just when he was at the peak of his career. With the showcases full of majors, he studied Medicine at the University of Stuttgart, obtaining his qualifying degree in just five years and did an internship at Michigan State University with the infamous Larry Nassar as a mentor.

Robert had heard about the scandal involving Almeida because the news had been on the front page of all the international media (in summer there is little news to tell), and he decided to call him and invite him to join his entrepreneurial project: set up a private clinic in the Dominican Republic, in the La Romana area, to serve mainly American and European golfers.

Fernando Almeida receives a call that would change the course of his life. (AI Image)²

In order to be part of the project, the only condition that the German placed on him was that he complete a chiropractic course by correspondence and practical training as an endoscopist assistant. After hearing that comment, Fernando sat up, and without putting down his mobile phone, he slightly removed his wallet from his pants pocket, to make it seem like he was interested, although in reality he only wanted to make sure that his assets amounted to just 600 reales. There wasn't enough money even for the initial tuition... Almeida was broke. Robert offered to send him some financial help and before finishing the sentence, he cleared his throat with effort, without being able to specify a figure...

Almeida looks at her wallet with a worried face (AI Image)³

All profit. The Diogenes syndrome in a monetary version.

Fernando Almeida became tense, while putting the wallet away in slow motion, as if Robert could see him through a security camera. Almeida's singing disappeared as if by magic, due to the adrenaline rush. Robert remained silent, waiting for his friend not to be a scoundrel and accept that he, and only he, was the one who had to pay for his own CCC course. Almeida muttered, almost imperceptibly, and immersed himself in an artificial silence that lasted around 30 seconds, managing the times very well. Meanwhile, the German golfer, feeling, in a certain way, obliged by the precarious situation of his colleague, sighed overwhelmed and seemed to commit to sending a check, but, again, without specifying a date... Almeida did not respond anything; He didn't even flinch. Hieratic and mute, prey to a sudden aphasia, he endured in complete silence for 3 eternal minutes. Timing is essential in the "portfolio trick." This pause lasted so long that the members of the judicial police who had tapped his telephone line believed that the call had been cut off due to technical problems... Finally, Robert, somewhat grumpy, accepted his defeat and added one more sentence before hang up: "Tomorrow you will have the check in the bank."

Victorious, Almeida smiled, threw the box of barbiturates to the other corner of the room, and hugged the bottle of whiskey again, satisfied with that small victory... and also for having regained contact with his friend, there is no doubt. The survivor returned once again, like the tireless fighter that he is. The ability to overcome adversity is the summary of your life.

Robert "Jorg" Landolt has to laugh: his friend is a proverbial wretch... He has been a victim, once again, of the "wallet trick"; ancient trick in the taverns of Rio. It's better to take it with humor...

Three years later...

 Lela and Dilda are two amateur golfers who have traveled to the Dominican Republic to play a few holes at the Dye Fore Golf Course.They urgently go to the private clinic J.O.P.P.K.E. (acronym for Joint Osseus Primary Poli Klinik and Endoscopies) owned by the doctor Robert "Jorg" Landolt, and in which the Brazilian chiropractor and endoscopist Fernando Almeida works. With their past in professional golf, they are experts in treating the most typical illnesses of amateur golfers which, without euphemisms, are usually related to being overweight because they ride buggies even to pee.

In the opening scene, the doctors appear dressed in oversized polo shirts in the purest style of the nineties, applying the least intrusive treatment: stretching, dry needling, and so on. Already in the initial diagnosis, it is clear that the two girls have problems in the groin, perhaps pubalgia, and most certainly due to poor putting posture.

Touch makes love, and this four-way consultation very soon becomes a filler scene that I am forced to omit because it lacks interest from a cinematographic point of view. However, what is obvious from the first minute is that Fernando Almeida does not seem to respect his partner Sarra, who is currently working as a caddy for a Japanese golfer nearby.

The next day, already recovered from Saturday's shift, and taking advantage of the sunny Sunday morning, Robert takes his “Negra”, as he affectionately calls his girlfriend Angela, to a waterfall to enjoy a picnic: pretzels "special Christmas edition " with mayonnaise and olives stuffed with anchovy, and to drink, a bottle of pacharán to take a few shots (there's a reason they called him The shot maker when he was a successful golfer) with the aim of having more options to "scratch" something. The transalpine director Max Bellocchio reflects very well in this scene the pure air that surrounds this couple of actors, who seem to be very immersed in the heart of tropical nature.

Look out to see the river, but don't fall...

That same morning, Fernando Almeida, for his part, takes his local lover to the beach, a very exotic and stunning mulatta. He addresses her as “Geisha.” It is now becoming common to give aliases to lovers, in order to prevent their wives from finding them on My Space or Facebook, a social network that in 2009 is already very popular.

With no time to rest, Robert and Fernando meet up with another girl on Saona Island, named Luziana Bella, after having lunch, with whom they spend some very intense hours... The viewer quickly detects the problem of these boys... In addition to being friends, golfers and golfers, both also share the archetypal character of athletes: insatiability.

The conflict that every film must have, the casus belli, comes next. Simultaneously, about three hundred meters away, Sarra, Fernando Almeida's current wife, poses indecently in front of the Hasselblad of the Japanese Toyoshige Tanero... A golfer who thinks he is Ed Fox and who is famous for his sour temperament.

Toyoshige wears a cap and toupee to hide his baldness in tournaments and is known for his fits of rage when he doesn't put it in the hole when faced with an easy putt.

Unlike Almeida's ex, who was a kept girl who gave the American Express good "scamochochadas" and who did nothing more than ask her for shoes, bags, jewelry, accessories, costume jewelry... and who even demanded that she dance from time to time. from time to time, Sarra is radically different. It gives him the freedom that Fernando needs and is, at the same time, an empowered aunt who has her own job as a caddy in La Estancia Country Club. 

Mr. Tanero, hiding behind the good intentions that we all automatically associate with the natives of the country of the rising sun, suggests making a book of photos on the sand. She accepts because she is very naive...

Sarra posing for the pics

These artistic sessions going mad usually

There, in the middle of their work, is when Fernando Almeida spots them from a distance and the anger is monumental. This reaction is curious, because so far in the film, Fernando has already been with 4 women, but now he can't stand Sarra seeking out some extramarital affair on her own.

Almeida loses his temper on the beach...

In a boiling state, Fernando Almeida's revenge is not long in coming. He puts on his pants and gets in his pickup truck to go pick up two caddies at the competition's golf course, Teeth of the Dog Golf Course. Taking advantage of his worldwide fame in the world of golf and nightlife, Baraka and Kate agree to accompany him to get a good bag on the beach. On the way to a quiet cove, he stops at a Jumbo supermarket and buys a bottle of O'Carballo herbal liqueur with which he will treat himself to some high-class bars. On the seashore, they begin to dance the best reggaeton of the moment. Playing in the background: "Chambonea" by Omega the strong. The rest... to each person's imagination, because as Michel Foucault said, "sometimes you have to downplay the importance of the author, since the reader can read whatever they want."

Looking carefully before acting

The peculiar rocks on the beach lead us to think that it is Isla Catalina

I know it can be misleading... but I only come for a "twerk"

THE END

*This review is based on information leaked from the Fernando Almeida World Tour that is broadcast annually by YouTuber Slo, and with other data of my own. It can be considered as a whole as an unauthorized biography of Fernando Almeida, the "Mozart of golf." I have decided to use the literary resource of off-screen to provide a story to a vignette film that seems to have been conceived with the sole purpose of prolonging the agony of an already deceased saga for another year...

RATING: 0/10

Info:

Private Tropical 42 "Tropicana Flashbacks: with Fernando Almeida"

Year: 2009

Genre of the plot: ...

Paradise destination: Dominican Republic

Actors: Marco Zero, Boroka Calls, George Bull, Tarra Wait, Keisha Bane, Kathia Inmobili, Jorg Skopje.

Where can I find it: Private or Google

Enlace a spanish version

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¹ AI image with the prompt: "used Buick dealership in Brazil on a sunny day"

² AI image with the prompt: "alcoholic in beige polo talking on the phone in a messy luxury house in Brazil while the sun shines through the window"

³ AI image with the prompt: "alcoholic in beige polo looking at his wallet without taking it out of his pocket while talking on his cell phone in a messy luxury house in Brazil while the sun shines through the window.